Hi, I'm Julie Tietz, and welcome to Conflict Resolution-- Putting the Pieces Together. Today we're going to talk about conflict consulting as another tool in conflict resolution.
Usually in conflict resolution processes, it requires the participation of all parties. So if it's two parties involved, we need both of them to agree and be willing to participate in a process. But sometimes not everyone wants to participate or is going to agree to participate. And if that's the case, we have the option of conflict consulting.
So here, we see the role of an intervener changing to that of a consultant, and they're meeting with one of the parties that are engaged in conflict. And through this process, they're going to develop some conflict resolution skills in order to approach or handle the conflict on their own.
There are three stages in conflict consulting that we are going to cover, and the first of those is emotional expression. So just as we would do in a process that involves two parties, we give the one party that we are consulting the opportunity to tell their story, their side of the conflict, and how that affected them. And through this, they are going to talk about their feelings, and our job as a consultant would be to recognize those feelings. So just as we would in conflict resolution process with two parties involved.
We could say something like, well it sounds like that situation makes you feel really sad, or it sounds like what that person said to you really was embarrassing for you. So we would pull those emotional expressions out and feelings out as the party is telling their story. We're also going to try and identify the party's needs as they are going about telling their story in the conflict.
You may ask them questions then about their concerns or what matters to them most and why things are important to them, those types of things to really get out and flush the positions away and find those underlying interests for the parties. The second stage is skills-building. So here we're going to work with the party to develop some conflict resolution techniques and skills that they can use. So we may teach them some "I" messages to use so they can take ownership of their feelings rather than blaming the other individual.
We may also go over separating people from problems-- so focusing on the problem at hand rather than the individual and degrading them and their character, but rather focusing on the problem at hand. Also, we may talk about some active listening skills and assertive communication, all of which we know are useful in resolving conflict.
Third and final stage is action planning. So here, we're going to work with the parties to develop some strategies to move forward. So we're going to go over some brainstorming sessions-- or a brainstorming session, rather, and figure out possible solutions and see which is going to work best for the party.
So we're going to really see if the options that they like are feasible for them, so we're going to do some reality testing questions to be sure that the action that they're going to take is going to be useful and helpful for them. Also, the final thing that we need to know is that in conflict consulting, we are using conflict resolution core assumptions throughout this process. So the conflict consultant is acting as a neutral in this process-- so not taking the side of that one person that we are talking to. It can be really hard for us to do that, but that's one thing that we really need to do is maintain our neutrality.
We're also going to utilize that win-win thinking so where everybody has the opportunity to gain something from resolving the conflict, and really focusing on the interests and not trying to change parties, values, and opinions.
Conflict consulting really gives the party the opportunity to resolve their own conflict, and it empowers them and gives them the tools and the skills they need to approach the other party and try and attempt to resolve the conflict at hand. And we will see that they have the opportunity really to de-escalate the conflict.
So through the conflict consultant or consulting process, the party may have taken the opportunity to see the other side's point of view or try and go in the other person's shoes. And so going through those exercises, they can really see what the other party may be thinking and feeling, and at that point, they may choose to react in a way that is not defensive or blaming and utilize some other skills, such as "I" messages, to handle the situation.
Also, again, we're talking about changing perceptions. A good way to do this in a conflict consulting session is to do some role plays. So we take on the other person's role as a consultant and really allows the party to practice the skills and see the other person's point of view when they step in their shoes. And so really, it's a opportunity to change some attitudes about the other person during this process.
Also, the skills that parties learn in conflict consulting can really strengthen relationships. So here again, if we're coming from a place of curiosity and asking some clarifying questions and being persistent in using our conflict resolution skills and techniques, the other party may soften on their position and see that we really want to communicate with them effectively and work with them as another human being, and really, when we break down the walls, we can have more effective communication and further and strengthen our relationships. And that's the point of conflict consulting, giving you those tools so you can break down the barrier to have some really good relationships and communication.
Let's look at our key points on conflict consulting before we go. In conflict and conflict resolution, sometimes one party does not want to engage in a conflict resolution process. And so we have conflict consulting process for individuals that want to meet one-on-one with a conflict intervener who then takes on the role of a conflict consultant.
And they all go through the party in three different stages. So we're going to have some emotional expression where the feelings and interests are identified, some skills-building so we can work on our skills in conflict resolution, and then finally some action planning-- so what are we going to do next? Whether it's talking to the person directly, maybe writing them a letter or, in some situations, deciding to file a lawsuit or maybe choose not to do anything.
And throughout this process, we are applying those core assumptions of conflict resolution-- so win-win thinking, focusing on interests, separating people from problems, and maintaining neutrality as an intervener. And really, conflict consulting is there to empower individuals to take control of their conflict situation and to give them the skills necessary to strengthen their relationships and have effective communication.
Here are your key terms before we go, feel free to pause and look at them a little bit closer. Thanks for taking the time out, and I can't wait to catch you again next time.
