When preparing to engage in the conflict resolution process, there may be times when one party is ready to move ahead, while the other party is still unwilling to meet. When this happens, conflict consulting can be a helpful option.
Conflict consulting is an approach to conflict resolution in which the intervener steps into the role of conflict consultant to sit down with the interested party and help them develop skills to use moving forward when the other party refuses to meet.
The conflict consulting process has three stages:
This is the time for you, as the intervener/consultant, to listen, allowing the party to vent their feelings and clarify their needs.
As part of active listening, you may ask some clarifying questions, and you may reflect back some things you hear, but you mostly want to make sure that the party is able to engage in full emotional expression.
This particular stage will go through a natural ebb and flow; when the person feels heard, they will be ready to move into the next stage.
As always, you, as the intervener, want to take your cues from the person. You may choose certain skills that you think will be helpful based on what you’ve heard in the first stage.
Whether or not the person wants to move ahead with the conflict resolution process, you're simply there to offer skills and techniques that they can use at will, such as:
These strategies are really next steps that the party can take in regards to the conflict, and they could be any number of things, depending on the nature of the conflict.
The party might decide to talk to the other person, or maybe just write a letter. They could also choose to come back for another session.
In the action planning phase, you, as the consultant, help the party decide on whatever they think makes sense as a next step.
Conflict consulting can be a very powerful process because it really empowers someone to take the next step. Based on the skills the party learns and the plan the party puts together, the process can do a lot to help them resolve the conflict.
In some situations, the process might de-escalate the conflict by helping the party alter their perceptions of the other person involved. Then, if the party has learned how to use I-messages, they may approach that other person differently.
EXAMPLE
There’s a conflict between some neighbors in a condo building, and this conflict has escalated to yelling and blaming. The conflict consulting process might reveal that communication has been really at the root of the conflict’s escalation. Learning some different communication methods could then help de-escalate the conflict.What one party learns in a conflict consulting session could also help strengthen their relationship with the other party.
EXAMPLE
There are two siblings who are in a very emotional conflict over how to care for an elderly parent. The sibling who comes to the conflict consulting session is at an impasse. Perhaps through doing some role playing, this person comes to understand the perspective of the other sibling, and realizes that their positions may not be so opposing after all. They both have their parent’s needs at heart, and understanding this could strengthen the relationship.The core emphasis is the same in conflict consulting as it is in any conflict resolution process. The process is based on win-win thinking and separating positions from interests.
Like any conflict resolution process, conflict consulting doesn’t set out to change anyone’s values. Instead, it’s a matter of clarifying one’s own values and developing a better understanding of the other person’s perspective.
Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.