Source: Image of Family, Public Domain, http://mrg.bz/l6AChF; Image of Distressed Couple,http://mrg.bz/km9wyu
Hi, I'm Julie Tietz. And welcome to Conflict Resolution-- putting the pieces together. Today, our topic for discussion is going to be constructive and destructive relationships. So why don't we get started off by looking at our key terms?
Constructive relationship-- a relationship characterized by flexibility of role, mutual concern for members' needs, and other factors. Destructive or nonconstructive relationship-- a relationship characterized by inflexibility of role, mutual concern for members' needs, and other factors.
So to start off, we're going to look at what a constructive relationship looks like. So in a constructive relationship, we have effective communication. And we have concern for other's needs. So we care about what our other partner or friend or whoever the other person in the relationship is. We care about what their needs are and helping them meet their needs.
And there's flexibility. We are flexible in changing roles and shifting power in our relationships. And there's a lot of trust here. We trust the other party to be concerned for us and also trust that they're going to maintain some sense of loyalty and concern throughout the relationship.
And another aspect of a constructive relationship is being affectionate towards one another. So there's a lot of affection and displays of caring and love for the parties in this type of relationship.
In a destructive relationship, we often find the need for one party to have unwavering loyalty for the other. So above all else, you must be loyal to the other party in the relationship. And there is oftentimes suspicion.
And we feel that in destructive relationships, one of the parties is suspicious that the other party is not being loyal to them. And there's often lack of affection or minimal displays of affection towards one another. So there's not a whole lot of love and caring displayed here.
We also have noneffective communication. So we could have some times where one of the parties gives the other the silent treatment or displays some sort of passive aggressive behavior towards the other and is not effectively communicating what their needs are.
And going on into needs, oftentimes in destructive relationships, we aren't concerned about the other's needs. We're only really concerned about our own. Or we know what the other needs, but we are not caring enough to hold their needs in mutual concern with our own.
So with all of those factors and characteristics of a destructive relationship, you may ask yourself why would a person stay within this type of destructive relationship? Well, there are a couple of different reasons why. And we're going to talk about those right now.
One, it's in their comfort zone. So even though they may not be satisfied with this type of relationship, it's familiar to them. And we have a hard time leaving our comfort zone. Or maybe they feel that things may change. Maybe this destructive relationship is only temporary. And the other party may work out their issues and come to a more constructive relationship.
Or they care about the other party so much that they want to stay. And they are willing to take some of these behaviors because they love the other person. And it's hard to leave when you love someone.
Or in some instances, it may be unsafe for the other party to leave. There may be violence involved in the relationship. And if they leave, it may cause them physical harm. So these are just a few reasons why people may stay in a destructive relationship. Can you think of some other reasons why people may stay?
Conflict can arise in both the constructive and destructive relationships. You may be thinking after knowing what a destructive relationship looks like that conflict only happens there. But it can also happen in constructive relationships. And that's due in part to unmet needs.
And so when our needs are unmet for some reason or another, we can have a conflict arise. But in a constructive relationship, since we have more effective communication, we are better able to handle that and express that our needs are unmet, whereas in a destructive relationship, it can be harder to express that with the noneffective communication involved.
So conflict resolution can be a great process for parties that are involved in a destructive relationship. And in this process, we can facilitate more effective communication. When there is a neutral third party involved, they are better able to handle the parties in communication and facilitating what needs to be said rather than the parties going at it alone.
And here, we can really address what the parties needs are. So we can talk about what we need. And we have a third-party person there to point out that, hey, these needs of this party are not being met. And as well, these needs of the other party are not being met. And we can establish guidelines here as part of the resolution process. The parties can establish what their relationship will look like going forward after the conflict resolution process.
So now we've gone over constructive and destructive relationships, let's go over our key points. In constructive relationships, we have flexibility in roles and mutual concern for meeting each other's needs. So we care about what each other needs and want each other's needs to be met.
In destructive relationships, we have inflexible rules and unequal concern for needs. So one party is more concerned about what they need and aren't as concerned with meeting the needs of the other party in the relationship.
And conflict can arise in both constructive and destructive relationships. But it can be harder to resolve this conflict in the destructive relationship due to noneffective communication. And conflict resolution can be helpful or a useful tool in destructive relationships because we have a neutral third party there to facilitate dialogue and communication.
Thank you so much for taking the time out to view this tutorial. I really hope you learned something. And I can't wait to catch you again next time.