Hi, I'm Julie Tietz, and welcome to Conflict Resolution-- Putting the Pieces Together. Today, we're going to talk about our core concern of appreciation. So let's get started off by looking at our key terms.
Core concern-- per the Harvard Negotiation Project, is one of five emotional needs all humans feel within relationships or in negotiation. And so the Harvard Negotiation project is based out of Harvard University. And works on real conflicts to better understand and implement conflict resolution and negotiation practices. So all the things that we're going to talk about pertaining to our core concern of appreciation is based off of research from real world experiences.
Appreciation-- a perception that one is heard, understood, and valued by others. When looking at core concerns in relation to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we see that the core concerns fall within love and belonging and the esteem categories on the hierarchy of needs.
So what we're talking about the core concern of appreciation, it falls in the esteem level of the hierarchy of needs. And what this means in order for our needs to be satisfied in this level-- we feel heard, we feel understood, acknowledged, and, as the term presumes, appreciated.
So going into appreciation, where do you need appreciation in your life? Well, some of the areas that I need appreciation include at home, on the job, in relationships, and even with strangers sometimes.
And the level that we need to be appreciated varies on the type of relationship we have with the other person. So if I'm at home, I might need some more or bigger signs or levels of appreciation if I am doing all the dishes during the week. And I need my partner or my family to say, hey, thanks a lot for helping me out. Maybe next week I can take on that job.
Whereas with a stranger, let's say I let them walk past me before I leave the stop sign in my car. And the level of appreciation I may need from them would just be a little wave to signal, hey, thanks for letting me pass you. Or whatever that may be. So it can be from something small to the examples with the strangers to something bigger with examples of at home.
So when there is a lack of appreciation in our lives, this can lead to conflict. And that's because our needs are not being met. So why don't we look at some examples back here in the places that we need appreciation or that I need appreciation.
One could be on the job. I need my coworkers and my boss to say, hey, you did an excellent job writing up that report. Or you did a really good job on that presentation.
And when I'm not getting those affirmations from them or acknowledgment, I might start to gain some animosity and think that they are judging me or that they don't like me or I might even muster up in my head, I'm going to lose my job because I'm not getting all of the things I need here. And this can lead to a conflict in that way.
Or maybe in a relationship you need space. And you need that for about an hour a day. And your partner interrupts you during that time. And you are starting to feel like they are not respecting and appreciating what you need. And this can cause a conflict within your relationship. So again, lack of appreciation can lead to conflict in certain situations.
When we're talking about appreciation in the conflict resolution processes, it's important to know that we must show appreciation where it's appropriate in a conflict resolution process. I like to think of this as building many agreements between the parties, whether it's letting the other person speak first or just little gestures within the process to show that they are there in good faith and that they appreciate the person for being there and going through this process and working out the conflict.
And through this appreciation showing and mini-agreement building, we are building more constructive relationships within the process. And some ways that I like to see appreciation in these processes would include acknowledgments, acknowledging feelings, experience, and maybe even leading up to an apology.
And it doesn't mean that the parties have to necessarily agree with the feelings or the experience. It just shows that, hey, I hear what you're saying. I hear you felt that you were angry when I did this. Or I heard that when you went through this experience after the situation, this is what happened to you. So it was just acknowledging these little things that can make the process so much better.
So [INAUDIBLE] the core concern of appreciation, let's go over our key points. The core concern of appreciation is located on the esteem level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And at this level, we need to feel valued. And when we feel valued, we are feeling heard, we're feeling understood by the other party.
And lack of appreciation can create conflict in some situations. And it's important to know that when we are in conflict, appreciation is a necessary element in resolving it.
Thank you for taking the time out to view this tutorial. And I can't wait to catch you again next time.