Hi, I'm Julie Tietz, and welcome to Conflict Resolution-- Putting the Pieces Together. Today, we're going to talk about a conflict resolution technique called people versus problems. So sometimes when we're in conflict, we may be hearing or even using statements such as, you're so selfish. It's all your fault that we have to redo this project. You're so lazy. And you made me miss my meeting this morning.
These are all what we call blaming or "you" statements. And blaming and "you" statements can be offensive and hurt people's feelings. I for one know that I would be offended if I heard somebody attacking my character or maybe even hurt my feelings.
So that's why we want to avoid using these blaming statements. And we really want to start focusing on people versus problems. So let's look at another example. This is a you statement or blaming statement.
You're completely unreliable. Every time I trust you with important jobs at work, you screw up and I have to redo it.
Who would like to hear that? I know I wouldn't want to hear that. And so when people are in conflict, they tend to at times focus on personal qualities rather than their individual actions. And when we are looking at people versus problems, we want to just focus on the people's actions and not on themselves as a person or their qualities.
And so in people versus problems, we are wanting to change people's actions and not the person themselves. That's not the point of conflict resolution.
So we want to change actions and not people. And we do this through utilizing I statements. We may say something like, because you turned in your work late, I felt like I couldn't get the rest of my work done because I was waiting on you, something like that.
And we want to ask clarifying questions before we jump to conclusions. We want to ask people why they did a certain action. And we want to engage in active listening skills. We want to focus on the speaker and what they have to say through nonverbal communication cues and asking questions and being present in the conversation.
And we do this through, again, separating people from the problems. We don't want to attack people's personal character. We really want to get down to their actions and work on that.
So how can we or how do we separate people from problems? Well, one way we can do this is to move away from assumptions. Don't always assume that people act in a way to sabotage you as a person or to get in the way or be malicious.
And we also want to reverse roles. So step inside the other person's shoes for a change and maybe get a different perspective on the situation. And we want to really be open on discussing our thoughts, saying things like, when you did a certain action, it made me feel this way. This is why I thought you did that, et cetera.
So now that we've gone over people versus problems, let's go over key points. When we are in a situation, we want to separate people from a problem in conflict. And we do this through utilizing I statements.
And, again, we want to change people's actions, not people in conflict resolution. And people versus problems is a really good technique in doing so.
And don't assume bad intentions of people. Always come from a good place, ask questions, step in their shoes, and maybe you can get a different perspective on the situation.
And be open to other people's perspectives. Maybe yours is not the right perspective. Maybe they were coming about it in a different way. And so we need to be open to realizing these in conflict situations.
Well, that's all I have for you today. Check out our key terms. Feel free to pause and look them over.
Thank you so much for taking the time out to view this. And I can't wait to catch you again next time.