Human beings have been telling stories since the dawn of time; stories are how we make sense of the world. Everyone has a story, and when we share our stories with one another, we become connected.
A story can be defined as a form of verbal communication depicting real or imagined events; narrative is just another term for story.
When you hear people tell a story about an experience they've had, you get brought into that experience. Storytelling is really the original virtual reality in that it gives us the ability to bring others into our story by communicating it to them.
We feel as if we are experiencing what the storyteller experienced because he or she is using multiple channels of communication.
The storyteller is not only speaking to us, but also using:
Thus storytelling is a very rich medium through which to transmit a complex message. Stories evoke the imagination through the use of multiple codes, or sets of symbols with consistent meanings used to hold and convey information.
If you don’t know someone’s story, chances are you're going to make up a story for that person. This is what we do as human beings; we take the facts and what we observe, and we use them to make up stories that we hold in our heads
These made-up stories are based on our:
Sometimes these stories may not be very flattering, especially when two parties are in conflict. These parties are holding stories about each other in their heads, and these stories may or may not be accurate.
Storytelling is therefore a very powerful tool in the conflict resolution process because the process provides an opportunity to replace a false story with the real story.
This was also true in South Africa during the Truth and Reconciliation Commission under Mandela and Bishop Tutu. After apartheid, people were brought together, many of them victims of apartheid, to tell their stories. They were able to speak the truth and be heard, and it was a very healing process.
This same healing can happen in any type conflict resolution process that involves bringing two disputing parties together.
EXAMPLEPerhaps it's a landlord and a tenant. Rather than go to court, the landlord is sitting down with the tenant to work out the issue. As part of the process, both parties have the opportunity to tell their stories and listen to one another. Through this communication, one of the parties may hear something about an extenuating circumstance that he or she did not know before.
The process of hearing a party tell his or her story in a safe, confidential environment allows the other party to step into that experience and understand the situation from a different point of view.
This will often create an opportunity to work out an agreement that is different from what either party originally had in mind, as the agreement can now take the mutual needs of both parties into consideration. This is very common in the mediation process.
EXAMPLETwo neighbors come in clashing, ready to perhaps file a restraining order or call the police. They sit down in a mediation, and one neighbor begins to tell a story that reveals complex extenuating circumstances about which the other neighbor had no idea. This neighbor can now replace the false story in his or her head with this new true story, opening up opportunities for reconciliation.
The conflict resolution process not only allows false stories to be corrected and replaced, but it also provides multiple opportunities for the parties to confirm what they have heard one another say during the process.
We’ve discussed this idea before as a confirmation message, or a message sent by sender to receiver indicating that a message has been received, and how the message has been interpreted.
This confirmation is a chance for the parties to check out their perceptions and assumptions; simply telling their stories to one another opens the door for that to happen.
Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.