The pre-conflict stage is when an issue may be brewing, but you're not really aware of what it is. Then, of course, there's the actual conflict stage and the post-conflict stage when things are resolved.
Within the conflict phase, the very first stage is often the feeling of discomfort that something is wrong. Following discomfort is the incident stage, where something either minor or major happens to bring the conflict out in the open. Next often comes the misunderstanding stage, which leads to tension.
The tension stage of conflict is the stage in which parties find communication with each other difficult or impossible. The parties consistently attribute negative motives and traits to each other, and may even attempt to enlist allies.
EXAMPLE
Susan is having a conflict with her siblings over what to do with their elderly father. He's been living alone in the family home, and for years that seems to have been working out okay. She's been checking on him every week, and sometimes she's been making meals for him. Recently, however, he fell. Susan had a talk with his doctor, and she feels like maybe it's time for him to move out of the home.EXAMPLE
You’re working on a project at work that isn’t going very well. You believe this is because the team member that you're working with wants to rush things. If you rush things and get them wrong, you'll have to go back and redo them; you would like to take your time.As we’ve discussed before, it's important to remember that during a conflict, the stages can escalate or de-escalate back and forth from tension to misunderstanding to discomfort. Thus, it’s always a good idea to address a conflict at the earliest possible stage.
Once a conflict has reached the tension stage, it might be very difficult for the conflicting parties to even talk to each other. In this case, they may decide they need some outside help.
EXAMPLE
Susan decides to bring in the family's priest to sit down with the family and facilitate a discussion. Things have become so tense that was it was impossible for the siblings to get together in the same room without arguing. Having an outside party facilitate a discussion really allowed all of the siblings to voice their feelings, and they were able to clear the air.EXAMPLE
At work, you might decide that you need to talk with the team leader about the project. Bringing in the team leader to discuss your concerns might be a way of stepping in at this point during the tension stage.Source: Adapted from Sophia tutorial by Marlene Johnson.